Moshe’s Blog

Stop Avoiding Conflict: 7 Ways Effective Leaders Have Courageous Conversations

Being a Courageous Communicator

“I’ve been avoiding having the ownership conversation with Louis,” Ron confided during a coaching session. “I know he’ll get upset.” Then he paused and took a deep breath, “I need to just do it.”

In my executive coaching practice, how to have hard conversations comes up again and again. There are all kinds of reasons not to have them – it might cause conflict, it may make things worse, it could make someone look bad – all plausible outcomes. The deeper emotional reason though is simply that it’s uncomfortable and hard and the results are uncertain. It can even feel unsafe.

It takes real courage to overcome the resistance, trust the process, and make the conversations happen. Tap into the uplifting energy of Amare, of love, for support. Create a culture that makes it safe.

Being a courageous communicator is key to effective and authentic leadership. It will garner you self-respect and the respect of your team, while making your organization thrive.

What’s your gut reaction to having courageous conversations?

Does your culture encourage them?

What helps you step through any resistance?

7 Amare Ways to Have Effective Courageous Conversations

1. Recognize your operating assumptions. Be clear about your overall attitude toward conflict and hard conversations. Read this article about how your assumptions can lead you to coping strategies that greatly reduce your success, and how to change that dynamic.

2. Identify the worst and best outcomes. First list the worst things you think might happen from having hard conversations with specific key team members. Now list the best things that might happen. Making your expectations explicit can reduce anxiety and relieve some of the pressure.

3. Be clear about your stand. Before diving into a courageous conversation, write down the essence of your position and what your boundaries are. Identify why it’s important to you too.

4. Stay connected through conflict. Start the conversation by saying you appreciate the relationship (if that’s true) and want to keep it healthy. Recognize if you or the others involved start to tune out, and with kindness, say so.

5. Focus on trust. Brainstorm with your team to come up with at least three ways to build trust around initiating and holding courageous conversations. Then implement them.

6. Integrate with your KPIs. Track courageous conversations as a success metric to help legitimize and mainstream the practice.

7. Build skills in your organization. Avoid expecting people to be good at courageous conversations without investing in skill-building. Let your team know how you’ll support their skill development and opportunities to practice and get feedback.

As a leader, one of the most important things you can do is cultivate a culture that encourages and rewards courageous conversations. It’s up to you to be the role model too. These are two powerful practices of authentic Amare love-powered leaders.

Inspire and Influence Your Teams to Put the Power of Love to Work

I do powerful keynotes and workshops centered on creating love-powered organizations, and helping teams take that first step together. For more info, contact me here.

Today’s Amare Wave Wednesday Quote

“The point is this: difficult conversations are almost never about getting the facts right. They are about conflicting perceptions, interpretations, and values.”

―Douglas Stone, Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most