Moshe’s Blog

Starting with Stopping: How Dropping Bad Habits First Will Make You a Better Leader

Stop! The Power of Stopping First.

“I want to be a better leader. What should I do first?” This is a common question among clients starting executive coaching. In my experience, the place to start is to stop. That means stopping negative beliefs and bad habits to make space for starting new and more positive ones.

We see this in ancient wisdom as well as modern times: The original Golden Rule is a proscription, not a prescription: “Don’t do unto others what you don’t want them to do to you.” When Google began, a key tenet of its code of conduct was “do no evil.”

Why? Sometimes it’s too hard to do a 180 shift to positive behaviors if you’ve been long immersed in negative ones. The effort would likely fail or result in inauthentic and forced behaviors that don’t last. Instead, make the transition step by step. Learn more about the two sides of making improvements in Chapter Eight of the book The Amare Wave: Uplift Your Business by Putting Love to Work.

What’s your reaction to the idea of starting to improve by first stopping bad habits?

What one bad habit most interferes with your success?

What’s the negative belief that goes with that bad habit that you need to drop?

6 Amare Ways To Stop Bad Habits First

1. Be honest. List three habits you have as a leader and three company practices that you know need to change. Consider how employees are treated, how customers are treated, what you promise, what gets rewarded, how you talk to yourself, etc.

2. Go deeper. Identify the beliefs that sustain the negative habits of you and your business culture. Explore common ones like not being enough, fear of failure, avoiding conflict, the status quo bias, and worshiping money. It’s a tough inquiry, be kind to yourself.

3. Stop something easy. Set yourself up for success by committing to drop a familiar bad habit (and corresponding belief) that will be relatively easy to let go of. First, track how many times you practice that habit each day. Then over a week, gradually reduce that to zero. Smile every time you notice yourself not doing it!

4. Involve your colleagues. Let them know what habits you’re changing and that you’ll ask for their feedback periodically. Then do it. Encourage them to do the same. This takes great courage!

5. Skill up your people. Ask your people if they feel safe telling others about their negative habits and asking for feedback. Be sure to provide resources for skilling up on being authentic and vulnerable before starting an initiative like this company-wide.

6. Onward and upward. Repeat Step Three for the other habits and beliefs you listed. Get yourself support as the habits may get harder to drop. Keep rewarding your success.

As a leader that gets things done, you might be tempted to make improvements by starting new habits. Be strategic and first stop the negative beliefs and behaviors that are likely to counter any positive changes. Then be a role model for authentic and courageous leadership: start by stopping.

Get You & Your Team Optimized, Aligned, and Open-Hearted

I help leaders and their teams measurably improve through Amare Way principles and practices. It brings out everyone’s best. For more info, reach me here.