Moshe’s Blog

How to Deal with People Who Trigger You: 6 Steps to Pivot from Reacting Like a Victim to Responding with Power

Triggered? Here’s a Better Way to Deal with Annoying People

“Brian is so annoying!” Josie exclaimed. “He tries to take control in every single meeting! What a jerk.” For Josie, Brian is an ideal ‘practice person’ because his presence invites her to practice being self-aware and curious when it’s really hard to do.

It’s easy to criticize, blame, and avoid the people who trigger strong negative reactions in you. We all do it at times. But it gives away your power and makes you a victim.

Far more productive and responsible is recognizing the reactions and judgments your ‘practice people’ trigger in you, and then using that awareness for your personal and professional growth. It’s a powerful way to be kind to yourself and to model conscious Amare (love-centered) leadership.

Who are your main “practice people?”

What useful lessons are they consistently teaching you?

6 Amare Ways to Shift from Reactive Victim to Empowered Responder

1. Recognize your reactivity. When you feel triggered, notice what happens in your physiology. Maybe your breathing gets restricted, your jaw tenses, your voice goes up, etc. Learn to recognize your bodily cues instantly so you can choose what’s next.

2. Press “pause.” When you recognize you are reacting negatively, pause for a moment. Take a deep breath. Imagine seeing the situation from a mountaintop. Even smile.

3. Observe your mind. Now notice the stories, beliefs, and judgements that came to your mind in reaction to things your ‘practice people’ said or did. Then get curious about why that is and what is there for you to learn about yourself.

4. Choose an empowered response. By pausing and then separating what they said or did from your reactions, you give yourself space to decide how you wish to respond. Choose accordingly, and with no need to punish anyone, including yourself.

5. Share with your leadership team. Tell your team you want the company culture to be full of people who are self-aware and responsible, rather than blindly reactive and judgemental. Give examples of how you shifted from reacting to pausing and responding. Be sure to provide resources to support the change; it’s a big one!

6. Keep healthy boundaries. Recognize, even as an empowered responder, when you need space from people who you find hard to be around. Be compassionate to yourself as you lean into self-awareness and taking full responsibility.

No one, no matter how annoying they may seem, can make you think or feel anything. You and only you are in charge of your reactions.

Use the steps above to move from knee-jerk reacting to self-aware responding. Allow your ‘practice people’ to teach you rather than trigger you (maybe even thank them!). It is another step on the Amare Way to business success through love-powered leadership.

Get Your Team Aligned, Productive, and Trusting

I help leadership teams get measurably better through the Amare Way principles and practices. The results? Team members know themselves, trust each other, and all get on the same page. It brings out everyone’s best. For more info, reach me here.

Today’s Amare Wave Wednesday Quote

“It’s not the situation… It’s your reaction to the situation.”

—Robert Conklin, creator of Adventures in Attitudes program

Acknowledgements: Musician and spiritual teacher Miten for the phrase “practice person.” Jenna Buffaloe and Kathy Fleming for their excellent work empowering leaders of all types.