Going beyond the need to be liked
“You like me, you really like me!” These famous words of Sally Field’s Oscar acceptance speech convey the profound human longing for acceptance and affirmation.
In the realm of leadership, this yearning to be liked, while deeply human, can become a formidable obstacle.
When leaders prioritize being liked, they dilute their authenticity and effectiveness, creating a culture of indecision and ambiguity.
Conversely, by transcending the need for approval, leaders can forge a path of authenticity, clear direction, and meaningful progress, all while nurturing a culture of respect and trust.
To be a self-aware leader, it’s crucial to recognize the profound impact the quest for approval can have on your decision-making courage and clarity. This is the path of the love-powered leader.
- How does your need to be liked influence your willingness to take a stand that may be unpopular?
- Do you find yourself swaying towards decisions that favor being liked over what is strategically or ethically right?
- In what specific ways does your pursuit of popularity affect the well-being of your team and organization?
8 Strategies to Balance the Need for Approval with Assertive Leadership
1. Acknowledge your fears. Write down your beliefs and fears related to not being liked. Accepting them is the first step in overcoming them.
2. Catastrophize them. Imagine the worst thing that would happen if those fears were realized. Sit with it, feel it. Then ask how likely those catastrophes are to happen.
3. Thank and be free. Determine how your beliefs about needing to be liked protected you at one point in life, and whether they still support your best self. If not, thank and release them.
4. Affirm your strengths. Do daily affirmations that focus on your specific leadership strengths to boost your confidence.
5. Reflect on impactful decisions. Regularly review past instances where you made tough decisions that, even if unpopular, led to positive outcomes.
6. Assertiveness role-playing. Conduct role-playing scenarios to practice making hard decisions in a safe environment. Gradually add more heat to the role-plays.
7. Get constructive feedback. Routinely seek feedback on the effectiveness of your decision-making, not just on how decisions are received.
8. Be kind to you. Practice mindfulness and self-compassion exercises to reduce self-criticism and increase your resilience.
As you navigate the balance between your desire to be liked and the necessity to take a stand, remember that the journey towards authentic leadership is both deeply challenging and profoundly rewarding.
Take the steps above to release the tether of needing to be universally liked. In its place, you may experience the liberating power of leading with authenticity and conviction. Along the way, you will be forging a lasting legacy of integrity and impact.
Keynotes & Workshops that Spark Transformational Changes
I do powerful keynotes and custom workshops rooted in the Amare Way of love-powered leadership that empower leadership teams and inspire deep transformation. For more info, contact me here.
Today’s Amare Wave Wednesday Quote
“I can’t give you a sure-fire formula for success, but I can give you a formula for failure: Try to please everybody.”
—Herbert Bayard Swope, three-time Pulitzer Prize journalist
Click here and read more Amare Wave Wednesday newsletters on related topics:
How Clear Expectations and Accountability Fuel Organizational Success: Start With These 6 Steps
How to Navigate Strong Emotions To Not Derail Your Core Commitments: A Leader’s 5 Step Guide
7 Ways to Become a Better Leader by Listening Deeply
The Allure & Trap of Perfection: 5 Amare Steps to Get to the Other Side
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