Imagine: you’re a highly successful leader and warrior on the brink of battle. You turn to your divine coach for guidance, and the message you hear is this: Be the same in both victory and defeat. Wow. 

This notion of non-attachment to outcomes is the essence of a 3,000-year-old story revered by billions called the Bhagavad Gita. Timeless wisdom–and easier said than done, right? 

The psychology behind why it’s so hard to stay the same in success and defeat is rooted in our survival instincts. When we succeed, we feel validated. Our brains release dopamine, giving us a natural high. It feels good! And it can make us overestimate our abilities and ignore potential pitfalls. 

On the flip side, when we fail, our fight-or-flight response kicks in. We either start doubting our worth or get defensive—neither of which makes for good leadership. 

Our brains are wired to respond differently to highs and lows. Amare love-powered leaders learn how to tune in and rewire those knee-jerk reactions to stay consistent, steady, and wise.

• How do you handle success? Do you allow your ego to swell, or do you stay grounded and connected to your team?

• What is your response to defeat? Do you wallow in self-doubt or blame, or do you use setbacks as stepping stones for growth?

• How does your team perceive your leadership in times of triumph versus challenges? Are you the same leader in both?

7 Amare Tips for Being the Same in Success & Failure

1. Practice self-awareness daily. Set aside five minutes each day to reflect on how you reacted to both successes and setbacks. No judgment, please! Only reflection.

2. Be transparent, always. Whether you win or lose, communicate honestly with your team about what happened, why it happened, and what comes next. 

3. Celebrate wins with humility. Acknowledge the team’s effort, not just your own. Make sure everyone who contributed feels valued—there’s always enough credit to go around.

4. Turn failures into lessons. Lead by example by framing setbacks as opportunities to learn. Discuss openly what went wrong and how the team can improve without finger-pointing.

5. Invite candid feedback. Encourage your team to share how they perceive your responses during both the wins and losses. Use their insights as a tool for your growth.

6. Stay centered with a personal ritual. Develop a “reset” ritual—like a morning walk, meditation, or gratitude journaling—to help keep you grounded, whether celebrating a victory or managing a setback.

7. Learn how to practice non-attachment. Check out this free Master Class I did with my colleague and legendary coach, Marshall Goldsmith. 

Staying Steady through the Highs and Lows

As a leader, it’s easy to get caught up in the highs and lows—celebrating like a hero one day and feeling like a zero the next. But true greatness comes from being the same person through it all—resilient in defeat, gracious in success, and always true to yourself. And knowing it’s not about you.

Steadiness isn’t boring—it’s inspiring. It lets your team know they can trust you, no matter what. 

Transform Your Leadership Team 

I coach and advise executives and leadership teams on identifying and being the best and most effective versions of themselves through the Amare Way of love-powered leadership (suffering optional!). If this stirs something within you, please listen. Contact me here.

Today’s Amare Wave Wednesday Quote

“If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

And treat those two impostors just the same…” 

—Rudyard Kipling, in the poem If

Click here and read more Amare Wave Wednesday newsletters on related topics:

Three Powerful Steps to Being Committed to Success –  Without Being Attached to the Outcomes You Want

The Great Irony: Get Better Results By Not Being Attached to Getting Them

Stop It: A Leadership Lesson in Getting Better By Letting Go of What No Longer Works

Why Quitting Belongs in Business and 5 Steps to be a Better Quitter

The ABCs of Great Leadership: Unleash the Full Potential of Your Organization with a Simplified Approach to Transformation